If David Attenborough Narrated the Graduate Job Hunt…

*to be read in hushed voice-over*

And here, we observe the recently hired graduatus, or in the common tongue, ‘graduate’, inspecting their new surroundings. Inquisitive, rosy-cheeked and fresh-faced, this young individual practically oozes relief. Observe his surroundings; fresh pastures, lush vegetation and vibrant flora abound. The graduate is settled, filled with purpose and excitement for days to come. But it was not always like this for our intrepid friend. Oh no. To understand this oft-misunderstood species, we must first travel back to where it all began…

via lawmarketing.com
via lawmarketing.com

The graduate as we know it came into being after the completion of the universitas magistrorum et scholarium life stage, or ‘university’. A difficult transition for any species to endure, filled with emotional and physical strife, he completes this cycle after adapting to a strict learning curve and mastering significant life challenges. The graduate revels in this achievement, and engages in riotous (and occasionally pagan) social festivities to celebrate.

via fextralife.com
via fextralife.com

Upon completion of said stage, the graduate is presented with a unique head piece as part of a traditional societal ritual, signifying dominance and mental prowess. However, it must be noted that some believe this honour diluted as the amount of head pieces adorning the graduate population increases.

via www.theguardian.com
via http://www.theguardian.com

Our friend spends a few months in euphoric elation with his fellow graduates, manifested in states varying from hibernation and exploration to inebriation. But, like all that is good on our beautiful earth, everything must come to an end. The graduate must return to the nest, where the promise of sustenance and shelter beckons. Comfort arrives in swathes, swaddling the graduate in warmth and tranquillity.

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Though like the setting sun, elation can sour as quickly as it rises. Our friend’s serenity is pierced by rising tensions in the homeland. Pressures mount, claustrophobia takes wing, and boredom ensues.

via www.nyfa.edu
via http://www.nyfa.edu

Desperate to escape this retrogression, and following substantial familial threat, he puts time and energy into finding purpose. Seconds, minutes, hours, days and months pass. The hot sun beats down on the graduate’s neck as he trawls the endless wilderness. Hunting for occupation becomes occupation. Monotony is the only constant, perforated by fleeting bursts of hope. Hard labour becomes the norm, sanitation levels wane and time becomes one infinite day, without respite.

via werenothavingababy.com
via werenothavingababy.com

Yet all this hard work does not yield a strong harvest. The graduate’s efforts are rebuffed, ignored or overlooked. A creeping melancholy seeps through all. The hunger to live up to the triumphs of the rest of the pack becomes an intense burden.

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via http://www.iran-daily.com

As resources dwindle, the only option for the graduate is to bring home the proverbial bacon. The hunter must moonlight as gatherer. Our friend feels beneath this toil and is consumed by fatigue. But the procurement of new resources does help to mollify familial discord.

via pixgood.com
via pixgood.com

The hunt for purpose continues with haste. Slowly, more attention is gained. However, a wise elder informs the graduate that purpose can only be found once knowledge is gathered. This perplexes our friend, who does not understand how knowledge can be attained before an occupation is found.

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via http://www.quickmeme.com

The graduate takes to community circles to vent his growing frustration. Voices demand reasons for our friend’s purposeless existence. And once again, paternal disquiet rears its unsolicited head.

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via blog.bufferapp.com

 A compromise is found in the form of a local sympathiser, who allows our friend to shadow his daily tasks within the pack. The graduate learns much from this, but receives no reward for his labours.

via www.thecrimson.com
via http://www.thecrimson.com

Instilled with a fresh spurt of determination, however, he applies himself as he never has before. His days become more productive, if occasionally peppered with existential crises and rejection. Like the patient housecat stalking its prey, perseverance and grit triumph. After months of virtual silence, everyone is suddenly interested in the young graduate. Old friends and new crawl from their respective woodworks and offer their support and intellect. Before long, he has several meetings set up to discuss his occupation hunt. The meetings go well.

via ydindustries.com
via ydindustries.com

But the competition is brutally fierce, and rejection once again presides. Every graduate must fend for himself in this fight to win. Friends become rivals, rivals become enemies, and long does the war reign supreme. But our graduate is a warrior. He has not fought this hard for this long to be usurped by someone lacking his skill.

via www.patheos.com
via http://www.patheos.com

More trawling, more hunting, more meetings with those from lands far and wide. Toil and sweat envelop our fighter. He is determination itself. But soft… what light through yonder cloud breaks?

via oiloftheovercomer.com
via oiloftheovercomer.com

One meeting leads to another and suddenly he is shaking hands with the leader of the tribe. And in an instant as brief and hauntingly exquisite as the flicker of a butterfly’s wings, our graduate grasps glory in his fated hands. He has found purpose. Victory has never meant this much to another. Tears fall, limbs relax and relief sighs. Our planet is an exquisite land, encompassing life in its most barren of corners. And the graduate, in all his extraordinary, resolute majesty, has found his place in it.

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via http://www.linkedin.com

Our graduate has completed his odyssey.

Grill the Graduate – Lizzie Kelly – Professional Jockey

via www.northdevonjournal.co.uk
via http://www.northdevonjournal.co.uk

Not many recent graduates (in fact NONE as far as I’m aware), can say that they’ve held down a series of part-time jobs, completed a degree, had an active social life AND successfully trained to become a professional female jockey of all things by the tender age of 21. No one, that is, apart from the tenacious and trailblazing Lizzie Kelly. Fresh from her impressive win on Aubusson in the Fixed Brush Handicap Hurdle at Haydock, I spoke to Lizzie about graduate life, competing with ‘the lads’ and what’s next on the cards in the world of racing.

Which university did you go to and how did you find the overall student experience?
I went to the University of Winchester. I enjoyed it as I could participate in as much or as little as I wanted, which for me was a big benefit! Horses have always been a massive part of my life and I was able to continue that passion at uni. That was really important for my career and has ultimately enabled me to become a professional jockey upon leaving.

Do you embrace your recent graduate status or do you pine for your student days?
I am lucky enough to have my dream job, but of course there are things I miss about university. Mainly my friends and the freedom that we had to do whatever we wanted the majority of the time. Being a student was great and it definitely gave me time to do things like head off to Ireland which I did in the amazingly long summer holidays.

Can you explain what it means to be a professional jockey and how you got into the role?
I’ve been dreaming about being a jockey since I was a kid, it’s a huge deal for me. I’m only at the beginning stages now, and I’ve got a very long way to go before I am where I want to be. It feels like a big achievement, especially as it’s not very common for a female to be a jockey. It’s all come about as a result of my parents training racehorses, but I did have various career options, and I always thought I would work in racing but from the angle of marketing or racecourse events.  At the moment, however, riding racehorses is where my heart lies and I will pursue this for the foreseeable future.

How rare actually is it be a professional female jockey?
It’s very rare! There are about 6 of us. I don’t see myself as any different from the lads, but of course there are differences. The most difficult part for me is being in the ladies changing room as it is almost always empty! It can get boring and on bigger days can have an awful atmosphere. However, because I am a girl, I do seem to get a lot of media attention which will hopefully help me out a bit!

Tell me all about your latest win (oh and WELL DONE by the way!)
Thank you! I’m not sure what to say really. I was able to get a lift up to Haydock with a couple of friends, Conor O’Farrell and Tom Bellamy, as we were all riding in the same race. On the way up I marked the card, which basically means that I looked through the horses’ previous positioning and looked at any that I thought were going to be running well. Aubusson is probably the easiest horse to deal with that I’ve come across, so riding him is a relaxing affair. Of course though, this race was the Fixed Brush Handicap Hurdle, so the pressure was on. This is the biggest race I have won so far in my career. It was a great day and actually the first winner I’ve properly celebrated! It is a better feeling than anything else I’ve achieved in my entire life. It’s the pinnacle of everything I’ve worked for for the last four years!

via www.bbc.co.uk
via http://www.bbc.co.uk

I know you’re keeping an eye out for sponsorship, what are you looking for in a sponsor?
Yes I am! It’s not a vital part of my career right now though so I’m able to take my time over it. Ideally I will find a sponsor with a fashion or media element as I can see that being a good option for me later on. I’m massively interested in fashion, especially at the National Hunt meetings. There is definitely a gap in the market that I feel I could fill. In fact, I have just begun to blog at caughttheeyefashion.wordpress.com (link here), so hopefully potential sponsors will see that I’m serious about fashion!

You are known for your wild and boisterous nature, would you say that is an accurate observation?
Yes, I would say that that is pretty much correct… Life has been a little wild, but perhaps that’s because I’ve taken every opportunity I’ve come across, even if it’s terrifying! I’m glad I’m boisterous and wild, because I don’t think I’d be where I am today without that side to me.

If you had to invent a cocktail that encapsulated you, what would you name it and what would be in it?
Ooh I’d call it ‘The Rascal’. It would be full of Archers and grapefruit, with maybe a splash of something a bit stronger to give it a bit of a kick!

What, in your opinion, are the hardest and best things about being a recent graduate?
The best feeling is probably the satisfaction. I finished my degree to a good standard and I have it forever! That’s a great thing to know. For me, there isn’t really a downside or a worst thing. I’m in a job that I love, and I know it won’t last forever, but I already have a back-up thanks to my degree. It’s all pluses from where I’m standing!

If you could go back to any point in history for one day, where and when would you go?
Any place, any time; that is such a hard question! Perhaps because there are so many options I’d have to travel on Concorde! But really I think I would like to be there when man first landed on the moon. It must have been truly incredible at the time as it was such an enormous step forward for the world in terms of exploration as well as technology.

What advice would you give to any job hunting graduates out there?
My advice would be to broaden your horizons. It’s very easy to think you have to follow a path that you’ve set for yourself. Always take the opportunities that present themselves and more importantly create your own. Change creates opportunities so never be afraid to do something that you didn’t expect!

What is your idea of heaven?
Heaven for me is a place where your hard work pays off, your bank balance is never in the red and olive oil has no calories!

And finally, kiss, marry or kill – Taylor Swift, Jeremy Paxman and John Cleese.
Oh I’d definitely kiss Taylor Swift (who wouldn’t?!), marry John Cleese (so I could demand THAT German soldier walk all the time), and kill Jeremy Paxman…

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